Have you ever found yourself pouring your energy into helping someone, only to realise it’s going nowhere? That moment when you question, “Why am I doing this?” can be both frustrating and transformative. For me, it happened one day when I was explaining something to someone, trying to make them see sense.
I was already drained, and halfway through my explanation, I stopped mid-sentence, took a deep breath, and said, “It’s fine. You’re entitled to think as you like.” Then I left and went home.
That moment was unexpectedly enlightening. For the first time, I truly understood the energy it takes to help others and the futility of trying to change someone who isn’t ready. That day, I learned a crucial lesson: not everyone wants to be helped, and many people are bound by their habits and beliefs, like prisoners of their own minds.
Choosing Myself
A couple of years ago, I made a deliberate decision: I would stop trying to educate or fix everyone around me. Instead, I resolved to focus on myself and let others figure things out in their own time. It wasn’t an easy shift, but it came with valuable insights.
Helping others, while noble, can be exhausting – especially when it becomes an unspoken expectation. I often found myself playing the role of a therapist, pouring my energy into people who didn’t necessarily want or value my input. Perhaps this tendency stemmed from my “shadow child,” manifesting in adulthood – a part of me always eager to please or fix others. But over time, I realised it’s better to step back. Not everyone wants to change, and even those who do often struggle against the patterns of their own minds.
A Lesson from a Taxi Driver
This shift in perspective wasn’t something I arrived at overnight. It was sparked by a simple self-help book I read, which shared a story that left a lasting impression. The author recounted an experience on his way to a leadership event. After landing in a new city, he got into a taxi and drove through a neighbourhood filled with beautiful homes. Admiring the scenery, he remarked, “Wow, these are such nice houses. I bet a lot of successful people live here.” The driver interrupted, saying, “Yeah, and they’re all criminals.”
The author reflected on that moment. He could have challenged the driver’s perspective, attempting to broaden his view. But doing so would have required time, energy, and patience – resources the author decided to save for when he was being paid to teach or speak. His takeaway was simple yet profound: helping others isn’t a moral obligation. While it’s kind and admirable, it’s not always necessary. People are entitled to their beliefs, so long as they aren’t harming anyone.
Accepting Life’s Realities
That story deeply resonated with me. It reaffirmed what I had started to understand: everything in life boils down to mindset and philosophy, and not everyone is ready – or willing – to shift theirs. Some people cling to their perspectives like a lifeline, even when those views hinder their growth. Those who study human behaviour and the mind understand this well, but many move through life unaware. And that’s okay. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is step back, focus on your own path, and let others walk theirs – even if it leads them into challenges.
Boundaries and Freedom
The hardest lesson I’ve learned is that not every battle is mine to fight, and not every person is my responsibility to guide. Helping others is meaningful, but it requires energy and intention. By setting boundaries, I’ve found peace in choosing when, how, and who to help.
Change is difficult. Most people don’t change, and when they do, it’s often radical and transformative – not gradual or easy. Accepting this truth has freed me from the exhausting need to fix or teach everyone around me. Instead, I focus on growing myself and offering help only when it’s truly wanted. Sometimes, the best way to help others is by letting them figure it out for themselves.
Books I Recommend
If you enjoyed this content, here are some books I highly recommend for deeper insights. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This comes at no extra cost to you and helps support my work in providing quality recommendations. Links lead to the audiobook versions, but other formats are available on the same page.
